Staying Clean and Sober

I’ve been having a great couple of weeks, but last night I could tell that the good times were coming to an end. I could feel the beginnings of sadness creeping in, stealing my energy. I reminded myself that my mood and energy levels tend to come in cycles – good for a while, but eventually I’ll crash, likes waves on a shore.

(Note: This is one of those posts where I’m just gonna start typing and we’ll see what happens., i.e. it’s rambling and unstructured, but I hope it makes sense. I’m feeling lots of emotion and my rational brain feels half asleep still.)

But maybe it’s all just a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe I’m doing voodoo on myself. Maybe when I think, “My happiness is coming to an end, I’m overdue a depressive slump,” – I’m actually telling my unconscious mind to make it happen, and so it does.

(Note 2: This tune perfectly captures my mood this morning. It’s Help Myself by HWLS.)

What happens when you change the story you narrate to yourself about your life? Well, I know from my own experiences and from those of many other people: your life can transform in the most remarkable of ways.

So, what would happen if I stopped telling myself to expect depression to hit soon because it’s overdue? And what alternative narrative would I put in its place?


I’m frustrated by my 12 Steps sponsor. He keeps badgering me to do the “suggested things”… attending meetings, daily phone calls with him, daily step-work, prayer and meditation, a daily mini-inventory…

I’ve been busy for the last couple of weeks doing DIY, cleaning and chores. For the most part, I’ve been loving it. It gives me a huge sense of accomplishment. Some of the tasks are things I’ve been meaning/wanting to do for a very long time, but somehow I just kept procrastinating.

It’s fair to say DIY has been my latest obsession. And addicts like me tend to be quite “all or nothing” people, meaning we find it hard to balance multiple responsibilities.

My sponsor insists it’s important that I phone him frequently and that I try to do at least a little step-work every day. But talking seems pointless when life has been going so well. And as for step-work, I prefer to do that in longer bursts where I force myself to sit down and concentrate on it for an extended period. Doing just 5 or 10 mins per day almost seems disrespectful.

Anyway, yesterday my frustration with my sponsor reached the point where I’d decided I’d had enough. Don’t worry, I’m not quitting the fellowship (again)… those fuckers are stuck with me for a while longer yet. But I am taking a break of a week or two from my sponsor.

I know he just wants the best for me, but it frustrates the hell out of me that he’s trying to apply a cookie cutter template to me: “Do, A, B and C or you risk relapsing on drugs and might even die.”

I really just want to say, “Fuck off, I know what I’m doing.”

I refuse to abdicate my intellectual prowess and succumb to dogma. I’m not a 12 Steps clone, I’m an individual. My personal history and current circumstances are pretty different from a junkie who used to shoot up heroin every day. My using was occasional and I could be abstinent for months at a time.

There are plenty of other differences between my life and the “generic addict” life as portrayed in 12 Steps literature. I do my best just to gloss over these differences. I try to “look for the similarities, not the differences”.

But I do still struggle with the 12 Steps “lump all addicts together” approach. Why does the 12 Steps insist on treating me exactly the same as every other addict? Why is there no scope for individuality, for customisation of one’s program of recovery?

Yes, I fucked my life up with drugs. But that doesn’t mean I need to submit myself wholeheartedly to a generic program and turn off my brain and ability to reason for myself.

Why can’t I take the bits and pieces of Narcotics Anonymous (NA) that I like, apply them to my life, and ignore the rest? That seems like the best approach.

I understand that for NA as an organisation to survive and thrive, it needs a certain amount of unity. If different people with different ideas are allowed to do their own thing, they risk splintering off into their own denomination. NA would risk becoming like Christian churches… 101 Dalmations (or 1 million and 1 denominations).

So… in NA, individuals are discouraged from doing their own reasoning and tailoring the generic program to suit their personality and their circumstances… and this is done for the sake of the survival of NA as a whole.

I suppose I can see the logic in that. But I’m (selfishly) putting my personal recovery as a higher priority than the survival of an organisation. Sure, I owe a debt of gratitude to 12 Steps, but my own recovery comes first.

Here’s what I know about successful organisations/companies… they adapt and evolve. They don’t stay the same. They constantly re-evaluate market conditions and develop their products and services accordingly.

Organisations which try too hard to stay the same, those ones tend to die. They become rigid fossils.

My fear is that NA is like that… too stuck in the past, too inflexible.

AND YET… I still feel I get enough benefit from NA that I can overlook all of its flaws and continue my membership. It’s just that there’s a lot I must turn a blind eye to.

Historically, I’ve always been a maverick. I’ve always wanted to do things my own way. I’ve attempted to influence and shape the organisations I’ve been a part of to fit with my own ethos, ethics and ideas of what’s right. Apparently this trait is quite common amongst addicts.

So: here’s my plan… I’m going to do NA my own way. But I’m not going to attempt to influence the shape or direction of the organisation. Not yet, anyway. There’s huge institutional inertia and scope for conflict if I try to change things.

I don’t want extra conflict in my life right now. I want to stay clean from drugs (in my own way), and rebuild my life into something meaningful.

That does mean I need a sponsor who can be flexible with me. I have a horrible suspicion my current sponsor doesn’t have the capability to be as flexible as I need him to be. I guess I need to have a chat with him face-to-face about this.


I had a horrible dream this morning…

[Warning: contains gory imagery which some people may find disturbing]

In my dream, I’d blacked out after a party involving copious quantities of drugs and alcohol. It was now morning and I was trying to piece my life back together,

I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t operate my phone properly. I desperately needed to talk with my wife, but I couldn’t work out how to get my phone to call her.

I’d relapsed… and not in a small way. I felt gutted that I’d ruined all my hard work in staying sober.

I’d been in charge of our 4 dogs while my wife was away. But I’d neglected them because I was too obsessed with getting wasted and partying. I’d let them out the house to roam the neighbourhood – anything could happen to them.

I found Seth, our second-oldest dog. He’s sweet, gentle, highly intelligent and avoids any kind of confrontation. I offered him a piece of ham, but he wouldn’t come towards me… I knew something was wrong.

Then I noticed that his eyes were rolling back. Something was very wrong. I got closer to his face and I noticed a large wound on his cheek – he’d been bitten by another dog. He looked like he was really suffering. I needed to get him to the vet immediately.

SHIT! How had I allowed this to happen? I desperately tried to get hold of my wife on my phone. I needed her to phone the vets and let them know we were on our way. But again, I couldn’t work out how to operate my phone properly – my mind was clouded by drugs and alcohol. Last night had been wild.

I spent a while wandering the streets, trying to work out how to get home. I was somewhere in London, lost. I accidentally got on the wrong train and became even more lost.

I managed to get hold of my wife on the phone. Apparently I’d been involved in some kind of public disorder last night and was being prosecuted and fined by the police. I couldn’t even remember where I’d been or what I’d done.

I saw Akira The Don (famous music producer / YouTuber) in my dream. He told me to get in touch with him, “about the thing”. I think he was talking about some music track we were working on together.


That’s about it. A horrible, stressful, depressing dream in which my life was falling apart.

Maybe the memory of that dream will help to keep me sober.

Maybe I should contact Akira the Don and see if he wants to collaborate with me in some way. I have zero music production skills, but… I don’t know his views on drink and drugs, but maybe it’s worth asking.

OK, rambling post over. What title shall I use? I know…

The New Way I Deal with Sadness

Now I’m off my anti-depressant medication and following a 12 Steps program to recover from addiction, I’m starting to experience stronger and more frequent emotions.

Argh! Big, scary emotions! Like sadness… the dreaded precursor to depression!

Fortunately, thanks to mindfulness, I have a new way of relating to feelings of sadness which make it much easier to deal with.

My Old Thinking

“I feel sad” ->
“There must be a reason why I feel sad” ->
My clever brain tries to find the reason(s) why I’m sad ->
“Found it! I feel sad because X and Y” ->
My clever brain makes mountains out of molehills. ->
Ever deeper spirals of sadness ensue. Sometimes anger. ->
Tears and depression
. Boo hoo.

My New Thinking

“Hmmm, I’ve noticed there’s a feeling of sadness here. Interesting.” ->
“I’ll just allow the feeling of sadness to be here, without avoiding it.” ->
My clever brain gets on with something else. ->
Some time elapses. ->
“Oh, I don’t feel sad any more. Nice.”


3 Day Fast – The Results

As I write this, it’s coming up to lunchtime on the final day of my first ever 3-day fast.

That’s right, that means eating nothing for 72 hours.

I’ve tried to fast for 3 days once before, but I cheated with the odd snack on the 2nd day and I think I gave up altogether on the 3rd day, so it didn’t really count.

This time, there’s absolutely no doubt in my mind… I’m going to make it.

But Why???

What kind of idiot doesn’t eat for 3 days?!

It’s not some kind of crazy weight loss attempt (although I do expect I’ll have lost about 2lbs of fat in 3 days… and even more water).

I do want to lose weight, but that’s not the main reason I’m fasting…

Recently I’ve been hovering at just under 100kg (15.75 stone) and a little under 30% body fat. For a 6ft male in his 40s, this makes me borderline obese. That’s something I really want to avoid, it just feels like a line I never want to cross.

But the main reason for this fast is to improve my depression.

In the past I’ve found that a ketogenic diet is fantastic for my mental health. By fasting for 3 days, it’s a great way to kickstart my body into ketosis, in other words making my body burn its existing fat stores.

Health Benefits of Ketosis

There seems to be good scientific evidence that, for some people, chronic inflammation in the body can be a contributor to serious conditions such as depression.

Excess sugar consumption can cause inflammation, probably through prolonged periods of high amounts of insulin in the blood as the body attempts to deal with the sugar overload.

I track my moods daily – I’ve certainly found that the day after a heavy sugar binge (at least 2 tubs of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream), my mood and energy levels really suffer. It’s almost like an alcohol hangover.

And by contrast, I’ve found that after several weeks on a low carb diet (such as Whole30), my depression, mood and energy levels are much better the best they’ve been in years.

My thinking is sharper, I feel happier, and I have more energy.

In fact there are a whole raft of physical and mental health benefits from fasting and/or low carb diets.

And you don’t even have to do it for 3 whole days – intermittent fasting is a big thing now. It’s not just a fad, lots of people have even been able to permanently reverse diabetes by changing to a low-carb or ketogenic diet, and doing some kind of regular fasting.

A Low Carb Diet

After I’ve completed this fast tonight, I’m going low carb… not quite classified as a ketogenic diet, but not far off. I’ll be aiming for fewer than 10% of my total calories to come from carbs.

My diet will consist mostly of whole, minimally processed proteins and fats, with some fruits and vegetables. That means a lot of meat. Yummy!

Dealing with Hunger

Predictably, one the most difficult part of fasting for 3 days is hunger. But it’s really not that bad. Most people simply aren’t used to going several hours without food, so it feels uncomfortable.

Hunger comes and goes in waves and I’ve found it pretty easy to ignore. I remind myself that I’ve made a choice not to eat for 72 hours. And I have the mental strength and resilience not to give in.

Drinking black coffee helps to suppress hunger. Plus, I just try to keep myself busy and not think about food.

Other Considerations

Keeping hydrated is obviously important, so I’ve been having lots of black coffee, water and herbal teas.

I’ve also been supplementing certain micro-nutrients. While fasting it’s really important to get enough of the following four in particular:

  • Sodium
  • Potassium
  • Magnesium
  • Calcium

Without these supplements, people who are fasting can feel pretty awful, a set of symptoms known as “keto flu”.

So Excited!

I feel so proud of myself for achieving my first ever 3 day fast. I know I still have around 8 hours to go, but at this point I’m so close that there’s zero chance of me quitting now.

Also, tonight I’ll pick up my 12 Steps keyring for being clean from drugs for 90 days.

It’s shaping up to be a really good day!

At around 9pm tonight, I’ll be able to eat again. Whilst it’s tempting to celebrate with a massive takeaway… I really fancy a chicken parmo (fried chicken with tonnes of cheese melted on top). But it’s recommended to start with just a handful or two of almonds to ease any digestive discomfort.

I’ll probably compromise… some almonds on the way home from tonight’s 12 Steps meeting, then a homemade (i.e. low carb) parmo, with fresh chicken and salad.

Yummy!

Why I’m Quitting Anti-Depressants

Given that I’ve had a rough time in the last week with depression, it probably seems strange for me to quit taking my anti-depressant medication. Let me explain…

[NOTE: It can be dangerous to suddenly stop taking any medication. There can be unpredictable and serious side-effects. Always consult your doctor before changing your medication.]

For several years now (on and off), I’ve been taking an SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor) called Fluoxetine. It’s also known by the brand name, Prozac.

Helpful

I feel that Fluoxetine has really helped me. It’s not an exaggeration to say that I may well have killed myself without it. It’s reduced some of the symptoms of depression.

I think of Fluoxetine as giving me a kind of force field against strong emotions. I’m often quite a sensitive person – little things can produce large emotional reactions in me. I put this down to difficulties in childhood stemming from having an alcoholic mother.

Fluoxetine basically makes everyday life easier. In essence, little things bother me less.

There are plenty of times where it can be really helpful to experience less emotion. Some people find it helps them deal with a stressful work environment, for example.

Dealing with life

However, I’m often left with a nagging feeling that Fluoxetine prevents me from experiencing the full spectrum of life. Positive emotions are numbed as well as negative ones.

With 12 Steps fellowships, there’s a focus on “life on life’s terms”. One of the reasons addicts might use drugs is a desire to escape reality… and I can definitely relate to that. I’ve realised that my SSRI medication is cushioning me from being able to deal with life on life’s terms.

I want to build my mental and emotional resilience and toughness. I believe I have the tools and support systems in place to do that now, so I don’t need to depend on SSRIs.

I’m much better at using mindfulness to counter unhelpful thoughts. And I’ve got more of a social support system, thanks to the 12 Steps fellowship.

I’m very familiar with CBT and REBT, which are both great tools for tackling depression.

I also know that if I maintain my physical health through the golden triangle of a good sleep routine, healthy food and exercise, that makes a huge difference to my mental health.

Less effective

Another reason for stopping Fluoxetine is that it often becomes less effective over several months and years, meaning patients need to increase their dose in order to obtain the same benefit. Our bodies are quite clever at achieving homeostasis – in other words, adjusting to changes we make. Sometimes this includes our long-term medications.

Until a few weeks ago, I was on the maximum possible dose for Fluoxetine in the UK. So, if my depression worsened, there was no way for me to increase my dose again.

But I know from past experience that if I have a few months off Fluoxetine, my brain seems to “reset”. That means if I get badly depressed again, I can start Fluoxetine on the minimum possible dose.

Not my first time

Generally speaking, it’s advised to “wean off” SSRIs, in other words: reduce the dose very gradually. This minimises any unpleasant withdrawal effects. Cold-turkeying like I’m doing can be quite risky.

However, I have cold-turkeyed Fluoxetine twice before, meaning I know what to expect. Fortunately it has one of the longest half-lives of any anti-depressant, meaning it takes weeks to fully leave your body. This means that even if you stop taking it suddenly, your body and brain still have a relatively long time to adjust.

Other anti-depressant medications have much shorter half-lives, meaning that withdrawal effects can be much more severe and potentially dangerous.

I’ve stopped taking Fluoxetine several times in the last few years, usually for the same reasons. But I’m fully prepared to start taking it again if I get seriously depressed.

There’s no point in being medication-free if I can’t handle day-to-day life, or if I constantly want to kill myself.

Withdrawal Effects

One slightly weird withdrawal effect I get is “brain zaps”. These are hard to describe unless you’ve had them yourself, but it feels like a very quick, mild electric shock. I wonder if this has something to do with varying levels of neurotransmitters in the brain as it adjusts. It’s not painful and it’s not entirely unpleasant… just a bit weird.

Another withdrawal effect is that I’ll experience emotions more strongly. That means I’m more likely to randomly burst into tears for no apparent reason. That’s fairly likely to happen at least once in the next few weeks.

This happened once before to me – during an interview! I think my tears were a big part of the reason why I didn’t get the position. Crying made me seem emotionally unstable, which was a big issue for this particular role.

So be warned if you’re thinking of reducing your own anti-depressant meds! Make sure you know what you’re letting yourself in for!


Hopefully this explains all the ins and outs of why I’ve stopped taking Fluoxetine. Again, I have no problems restarting it again at some point in the future (in consultation with my doctor), if it seems like depression is getting the better of me and my other tools aren’t sufficient.

However I’m cautiously optimistic that now I’ll be able to stop taking anti-depressants permanently. Wish me luck!

Unlocking Connection

I had a mindblowing lightbulb moment yesterday. I think I’ve found the (light) switch that turns on my sense of connection to other people.

What Is Connection?

I absolutely love the feeling of connection with other people. It’s a really special thing.

Unfortunately, that feeling would come and go, seemingly for no real reason.

I’m now wondering – what’s the average percentage of time for people to feel connected to each other? I imagine there’s a full spectrum of experience…

Some (unfortunate) people feel isolated and alone most of the time – very rarely connected. And other (lucky) people will feel connected to others almost all the time.

I have intermittent depression and I’m a drug addict (God, it’s still a bit painful admitting that, but it’s important I’m honest).

When my mood is low, I often get a strong urge to isolate myself from others. And as my drug use became more problematic, I hid that part of myself away from others too. At times, I even shut myself away from my own wife!

I’m quite introverted to begin with. I really enjoy time on my own and I find social situations quite draining. Usually, a few hours in the company of others is my limit… and then I need to spend time on my own again to relax and recharge my batteries.

But I really come alive in 1:1 chats with people where we both listen intently and talk about issues which feel meaningful. In other words, not just everyday smalltalk.

For me, listening seems to be at the heart of connection. Actually, it’s more than just listening, let me try to expand…

For me, connection to others involves:

  • Listening carefully to what the other person is saying
  • Maintaining an attitude of empathy and kindness
  • Being non-judgemental
  • Wanting the best for the other person

Does that make sense? Do you get what I mean? Am I missing any important elements of connection?

The Cause of Disconnection

When I feel disconnected from others, my thoughts and attention are turned inward. I become concerned mainly with my own thoughts and feelings.

When I feel this way, other people often feel a little threatening… and that feeling is at the root of the social anxiety I often experience.

It’s fear… fear of others… fear that I’m going to be judged. Fear that I’m not good enough.

This fear and disconnection can become a vicious spiral…

I feel a little low / fearful… so I tend to build a psychological barrier against others… my thoughts and attention turn inwards… which only exacerbates the unpleasant feelings of depression and isolation.

I’d often crave a sense of connection with others, but felt unable to break through that barrier of fear and self-analysis.

The Cure

Yesterday, the focus at our 12 Steps meeting was love. In our fellowship, we have an unconditional positive regard for our fellow addicts. We want the best for them. We want to help them recover. And we listen carefully to each other as we share our stories. This is what I mean by “love”.

There’s a saying I’ve heard often at 12 Steps meetings but not quite fully understood…

“We only keep what we have by giving it away.”

I thought that phrase meant that if we want to stay clean and sober, it’s important to help other addicts. But the cynical part of me kinda dismissed this idea as merely a handy way to increase the membership of the 12 Steps fellowship and therefore keep the organisation alive.

But now I see this very differently. I think that quote is talking about love and connection.

Here’s what I realised…

“We only stay connected with others when we give away our love.”

Bollinger, R. (2019)

This is the cure for feeling isolated and disconnected! Rather than focussing inwards and waiting for a feeling of love and connection to magically appear, we have to create it ourselves!

When we feel a sense of love and compassion towards others, it is us that feels love.

If you want to feel love and connection with others, then you have to generate a feeling of love and connection towards someone else.

You have to give away the feeling of love to someone else, in order to keep it yourself.

This strikes me as gob-smackingly profound. It’s fucking amazing!

When I make myself feel love, empathy, compassion and warmth towards another person, suddenly my heart opens up.

Say goodbye to introverted introspection. Gone is the social anxiety. Gone is the fear of others.

Say hello to feeling connected and experiencing a deep sense of love.

“You cannot feel love and fear at the same time. So if you want to feel connected to others, make yourself feel love towards someone else. Your fear (social anxiety) and sense of isolation will evaporate.”

Bollinger, R. 2019

I’ve realised that I can no longer wait around passively for a feeling of love and connection to come over me. I have to make it happen by giving away my love to someone else.

This one realisation has the potential to massively change the way that I relate to other people.

For the 2-3 weeks when I experienced drug-induced psychosis, I had virtually zero social anxiety. I felt very connected to all aspects of myself, and almost as strongly connected to other people (when I paid them close attention).

Sadly that feeling faded as the psychosis worse off. And my social anxiety gradually returned.

But now, thanks to this realisation I’ve had about love and connection, I feel hopeful that I can banish that fear of others and my social anxiety.

I’ve found the key to unlocking a new mode of being which will bring so much more joy and love into my life.

I no longer need to feel afraid of others! I can connect with people at will!

Now that is pretty fucking awesome.

Questions About Mindfulness

Calling all meditation teachers and spiritual gurus!

I’m realising the importance of mindfulness in becoming the person I want to be. It seems to be a core ingredient in evolving my consciousness to the next level.

[Richard Dawkins has left the chat] šŸ˜‰

It also seems that mindfulness may just be a big part of the answer for massively reducing my suffering from depression and addiction issues.

I have quite a few questions… can you help answer them for me?

Is there a limit to how mindful you can be?

I used to think that I’d maybe use mindfulness just for 2-3 short moments per day. I imagined that I’d be feeling a bit stressed, anxious, depressed or otherwise lost in thought. And so I’d “check-in” with myself using mindfulness, which would help restore a sense of peace.

But now I’m wondering…

Is it possible to be mindful all the time?

I imagine people like Eckhart Tolle and the Dalai Lama have gotten pretty close. And when people are on a week-long meditation retreat, I imagine the goal is to be mindful for as much time as possible.

Can we be mindful and think at the same time?

Or will I shift out of mindfulness whenever I’m concentrating on thought? Are thinking and mindfulness mutually exclusive?

Is there an ideal ratio of thinking to mindfulness for optimal peace?

I imagine it’s impossible to prevent ourselves from thinking all of the time. Thinking is really useful! And it’s difficult to get anything done if you can’t ever think.

Would it be realistic to aim to be mindful for 50% of one’s waking moments, and engaged in productive thought for the other 50%?

How can I get better at distinguishing between productive and unproductive thoughts?

My assumption is that worrying and ruminating (obsessing about the past) are completely unproductive.

However planning (in a positive mindset) is clearly productive.

And reviewing the past in order to find lessons – that’s clearly productive too.

What other types of thoughts are there? And are they productive or unproductive?

Is it a reasonable goal to minimise all unproductive thoughts?

And would I want my default mode to be mindful? Or should I attempt to shift unproductive thoughts into more productive ones?


I’d love to know your thoughts and opinions on these matters. Please “leave a reply” in the comments section below.

The Unexpectedly Comforting Thing My Psychiatrist Told Me

I saw a psychiatrist for the first time in my life last week. I have depression and problems with substance abuse.

She was lovely. She listened attentively to my experiences and genuinely seemed to want the best for me. Her insight was razor-sharp, but she delivered her advice with kindness and compassion. That combination is rare and takes real skill!

[Caveat: She wasn’t perfect… some of her advice seemed… a little misjudged.]

Embarrassing

In mid-August 2019, I experienced a Spiritual Awakening… AKA drug-induced psychosis, depending on your preferred way of looking at the world.

Last week, I explained to the psychiatrist with some embarrassment that I often felt as though God was with me. I didn’t mean purely metaphorically either… In the last couple of months I’ve often experienced physical sensations which I interpreted as God being alive and present.

I felt a kind of echo in my breathing, which I interpreted as me being filled with the Holy Spirit, or the Breath of God. And I felt a wonderful sense of joy in my chest, which I interpreted as God’s love inhabiting my heart.

I still get those sensations at times now, over 2 months later. They’re pleasant and calming. They give me a sense of peace.

More rational and scientific thinkers may dismiss those sensations as merely symptoms of psychosis caused by drug abuse. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t feel real to me, or diminish the spiritual significance I derived from them.

Maybe it’s all just the placebo effect. But again, don’t dismiss placebo effects as meaningless or worthless. They can be extremely powerful.

Missing

Anyway, I explained to the psychiatrist that I felt these sensations far less often now, compared to during the peak of the psychosis. I admitted that I missed those feelings because they let me know that God was with me.

But God is always with us, isn’t He, whether we feel Him or not.” she gently explained, her voice full of kindness and wisdom.

I was stunned… I had not expected that!

I thought that as a highly qualified medical professional, she would probably be atheist or agnostic. What a dangerous assumption for me to make!

Peace

What a wonderful thought… God is always with us. How reassuring!

Even if you’re not religious, I hope you can see that such a belief can provide great comfort to people…

… And not just in an infantile “comfort blanket” kind of way…

Believing in God and feeling His love can be the difference between life and death to some people. It can be the deciding factor which makes someone decide not to commit suicide.

What a tremendous difference a belief in God can make to the way we feel! How much lighter our burden becomes!

Even if you’re staunchly atheistic, I believe it’s worth believing in God just for the benefits such a belief provides.

Perhaps God is the ultimate placebo… but as studies have shown, placebos can be effective even when the patient knows they’re taking a placebo!

I’m certainly going to continue believing God is with me, whether I can feel Him physically or not.


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