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  • Sadness

    18/01/2020 by

    It sits in my chest like a damp lump of concrete. Sadness. I’m not happy. There are several things in my life that I wish weren’t the way they are. The urge to escape is strong. I have a feeling today is going to consist of bathing in videogames and music, the creative salves to… Read more

  • Returning to the Fold

    17/01/2020 by

    I haven’t been to a 12 Steps meeting in weeks. I’m a wayward sheep, determined to forge his own path. But I do want to return to the fold, I’m just not quite sure how to do it without causing myself and others more problems. Based on some of my rants and criticisms of Narcotics… Read more

  • ATTENTION! Dopamine Loops

    17/01/2020 by

    As my self-awareness increases and my spiritual awakening unfolds, I’m noticing how often my behaviour is comprised of scripts. They’re little loops of automatic learned behaviour, fueled and motivated by dopamine. It’s only thanks to mindful awareness that I’m able to notice and interrupt these loops. Checking Facebook. Before I know it, my brain has… Read more

  • OK, I've Remembered What I'm Doing

    16/01/2020 by

    What a difference a good night’s sleep can make! While I rested during the night, my clever body was hard at work fighting this cold and getting me back to good health. I’m not quite 100%, but feeling way better. My unconscious has been hard at work answering some of the questions I posed in… Read more

  • Step 3

    15/01/2020 by

    Traditional wording of Step 3: “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.” No, I don’t think so. It’s simply not gonna happen. Here’s Russell Brand’s version: “Are you, on your own, going to ‘unfuck’ yourself?” Slightly better than the traditional version,… Read more

  • A Strange Place

    15/01/2020 by

    I’m in a bit of a strange place this morning. I’ve noticed several things which don’t feel quite right in the last couple of days. It’s enough to make me say, “Hold up, what’s going on here?” I’m finally starting to feel a bit better after having the worst cold of my life. Sounds dramatic… Read more

  • Powerlessness and Unmanageability

    13/01/2020 by

    Step 1 of the 12 Steps asks us to admit that we are powerless over our addiction and that our lives have become unmanageable. Does anyone else balk at the way that’s phrased, or is it just me? What I don’t understand is the strength and absoluteness of those statements. Powerless? Unmanageable? Really? Even Russell… Read more

  • Unfucking Myself

    10/01/2020 by

    There’s lots of wisdom in 12 Steps programs. Not only do they help people recover from addiction, but they also unlock the hidden potential within us to become the best version of ourselves. (No, that isn’t hyperbole. I really mean it.) Unfortunately, the 12 Steps are often expressed in ways which some people (including me)… Read more

  • I'm Sorry

    06/01/2020 by

    It’s human nature to criticise others for their mistakes and failures. It’s much harder to stop and take a long hard look in the mirror. It takes courage and humility (i.e. balls) to admit when you were wrong. I made a cock up this afternoon. I spoke harshly to someone close to me. I said… Read more

  • True Geordie – A Modern Hero's Journey

    06/01/2020 by

    Proper Hero’s Journey here. From rags to riches… and back to rags again. Then rebuilding, stronger and wiser than before. Lots of very honest talk about the price of fame and about mental health too. Great stuff.

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